Qué suerte hemos tenido al encontrarnos.

Mi trabajo consiste básicamente en ocultar mi desprecio por los cerdos de dirección, y al menos una vez al día meterme en el lavabo y cascármela, mientras sueño con vivir una vida que no se parezca tanto al infierno.

Es genial comprobar que todavía tienes la capacidad de sorprenderte a ti mismo.

Aquí me tienen, cascándomela en la ducha... Para mí, el mejor momento del día. A partir de aquí, todo va a peor.

Tranquilo, yo tampoco me acordaría de mí.

Cuando ves algo así es como si Dios te mirase a los ojos por un instante. Y si estás atento, puedes devolverle la mirada.

Sólo soy una persona normal, sin nada que perder.

- Are you trying to look unattractive?
- Yes.
- Well, congratulations. You've succeeded admirably.

I feel like I've been in a coma for the past twenty years. And I'm just now waking up.

If people I don't even know look at me and want to fuck me, it means I really have a shot at being a model.

Janie, today I quit my job. And then I told my boss to go fuck himself, and then I blackmailed him for almost sixty thousand dollars. Pass the asparagus.

My company sells an image. It's part of my job to live that image.

I don't think that there's anything worse than being ordinary.

She's not your friend. She's just someone you use to feel better about yourself.

Janie's a pretty typical teenager. Angry, insecure, confused. I wish I could tell her that's all going to pass, but I don't want to lie to her.

You better watch yourself, Jane, or you're going to turn into a real bitch, just like your mother!